Self Love Series Part 2: It Starts with Acceptance

First off, I want to say THANK YOU so much for all of the positive feedback from Part 1 – Hitting Rock Bottom (read it now if you need to catch up!) The messages, comments, and stories you all shared were incredible and reaffirmed my WHY for sharing my story in the first place.

On to the good stuff..

Just to recap: I shared my struggles with insecurity, control, eating disorders, perfectionism, hormone imbalance, and losing myself in Part 1. It ended with doctors telling me that they could not help me heal or balance my hormones. They could not help me feel like the strong woman I wanted to be. So at this point, I knew it was UP TO ME to accept my situation and take responsibility for my own healing, both physically and mentally.

My first step was to research. I started diving into any and everything hormone related. Any and everything positive body image related. Any and everything self love related.

I started journaling to help heal my mind. I started finding hobbies that I enjoyed, whether they were cool or interesting to anyone else or not. And I started changing my diet.

The first thing that I had to accept was that in order to balance my hormones, and get a cycle back, I had to completely up my body fat percentage. This is to trick the body into thinking that it is totally ready for pregnancy, whether you are or not doesn’t matter, but the body needs to know that it’s not at risk if you do conceive. I was definitely not ready to have children but that ‘SOMEDAY IDEA’ was important enough to me to take care of this now.

For me, this meant gaining at least 20-25 lbs. Tell someone recovering from an eating disorder that they need to gain 20 lbs and you’ll get the same reaction every time. “No way. There must be an exception to this rule.”

So I gained a few pounds and tried some progesterone creams, added in more greens, and waited. Nothing.

This is where the control issues came into place. I HAD to let go. But I wanted to do this in the healthiest possible way. So I started to do more research on nutrition and the healing powers of food. The more I dove in, the more I became hooked. It was so fascinating to me how important every single thing we’re putting into our bodies is. I couldn’t get enough. So, the lifelong student in me went back to school.

While it admittedly took me longer than it should have, as I was working full time as well, I finally finished with a second degree as a Holistic Health Practitioner. I started to LOVE cooking and preparing meals for my family, so why stop there? I finished with a certificate as a Raw Food Chef to top it off. I was so happy to be doing this for ME and to be able to share everything I was learning. I started writing eBooks and Cookbooks. This was so fun for me. I was enjoying life again.

green juice

As the scale went up, I was starting to feel so much better, my relationships improved, my skin changed, my hair became so thick and long (the girls perked up a bit too as you can see ;)).

While I definitely had my days of feeling fluffy, I felt much more confident. It’s funny, you’d think a 20lb weight gain would make someone who was already insecure, even worse. And yes, it was definitely hard to go shopping for bigger sizes, but my head was clear, I was happy with my life, and doing things I enjoyed. So the trade off was totally worth it.

And then, I started to get my period. After 4 years of absolutely no sign of a cycle at all, I was becoming regular. This to me, was everything. It took another year or so to be completely on track but now, I’m finally there. I’m able to now begin turning some of those added pounds into muscle to lower my body fat % slightly.

Screen Shot 2019-07-07 at 2.58.31 PM.png

So here I am, 20+lbs heavier, completely happy, and ready for the next chapter.

I hope you follow along through this current journey I’m on. Becoming as fit as possible, staying healthy, growing as a person, a friend, a wife. And sharing my mishaps and knowledge with as many people as I can. If you’re struggling with your own hormone imbalance and want more specific details on everything, please do not hesitate to reach out or e-mail me.


overcoming eating disorder